Paper Wishes Read online

  My sight blurred. Lines formed in the creases where I’d crumpled the paper, connecting each mark left from the nervous tap of my pen three days before.

  Jack shifted in the seat beside me. “Come on. I read mine.”

  The crinkled lines took form as my eyes focused. The letter J sprang from the page. A deep breath filled my lungs. I released it slowly, calming my nerves. A. The words I’d written below the dots jumped out at me. Screaming, slapping. C. My lip quivered. I wiped a tear from my eye.

  “Are you all right, Slugger?”

  I nodded. K.

  Jack. I pressed my lips together. Jack’s eyes comforted me beyond reason, but a knot still formed in my throat. His fingers trailed down my arms and tightened in a one-handed hug beside my elbow. Nicky sat on the floor, eyes wide and expectant.

  My gaze trailed down to the paper, and I swallowed down the pain welling in my gullet. “Dear God,” I began, fighting off a stutter. “Please bring me someone who will love and care for me and never… and never…”

  I choked back a sob, but another followed. I dropped the note to my lap.

  Jack took the crinkled paper from my hand. He blinked twice, before his eyes met mine. “And never leave me,” he read.

  I buried my face in his shirt, finally letting go of the last of my grief.

  The pressure of Jack’s arms encircling me did nothing to combat the tears. How could I have been so blind not to see what was right in front of me?

  Nicole’s weight pressed from behind, smashing my face against Jack’s chest.

  “It’s okay,” Jack said. He stroked the back of my hair.

  I leaned up and nodded, biting my bottom lip in an effort to control the overwhelming flood of suppressed emotion. Nicky released me and moved from the couch.

  Jack slid his hands beside my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “We should have hung decorations together years ago.”

  He leaned toward me, his lips gently kissing the tears from my cheeks. His fingers traced the lines of my neck, his warmth awakening feelings I’d thought long forgotten.

  I closed my eyes, tense as his mouth covered mine. The warmth of his tongue parted my lips, circled my heart, and burned a profound promise to my soul reaching so much further than friendship. A salty tear slipped into my mouth… the last that would fall to mourn a life now behind me.

  “I should have done that a long time ago too,” he whispered.

  Snuggling into his arms, I cradled myself in their strong warmth. Nicky sat across the room, her face completely hidden behind a calligraphy instruction manual.

  Jack crunched the foil back into a ball and threw it at her, bouncing it off her book. “So, Nicky-Bomb, all these years all I had to do to get what I wanted for Christmas was hang my wish on your tree, huh?” He snorted. “I shoulda asked for the stinking movie too.”

  Nicole’s eyes widened. “Oh!” She jumped up and ran to the kitchen, returning with a manila envelope. “I totally forgot! Mrs. Meyers dropped this off yesterday. She said she signed for it since we weren’t here.” She placed the package in my hands.

  I ran my fingers over the address and felt the hard plastic casing inside. How is that even possible? I smiled and handed it to Jack. “Merry Christmas.”

  Jack’s brow perked up. “Really? What is it?”

  He ripped away the envelope and dropped it to the floor as he flipped over the DVD. “What… how…”

  Our gazes met, and we shared the warmest of smiles. I lost myself for a moment… allowed myself to revel in the love smoldering in his eyes.

  “Is it the right one, Uncle Jack?”

  Jack blinked and suppressed a laugh. “Yeah, it sure is.” He held it up to his cheek. “Can we watch it? You’re not too old for cartoons, are ya, Nickster?”

  Nicky’s grin leapt from her face. “No way! I love cartoons.”

  Jack ripped off the cellophane wrap and opened the cabinet for the DVD player. The clamshell popped open with a click. He stared at the contents.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  Jack grinned. “Almost.” He clicked the case shut. “Whaddya guys think about watching this over at the nursing home? They have great acoustics there.”

  I slid my arm around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder. “That sounds just perfect.”

  Nicky handed me my jacket, and Jack slid it over my shoulders. He hugged me from behind, kissing my cheek. “Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas?”

  A cleansing sigh escaped my lips. I glanced up, seeing well beyond my blotchy white ceiling. “Yes, I did. Someone finally connected the dots.”

  ####

  A Test of Faith

  Chapter One

  Six Nights until New Year’s Eve

  How is it even remotely possible for a smile to warm you so much?

  Jack winked over the window as he helped Nicky into the back seat of his sedan. His grin widened as he closed the door and swept back his thick brown hair. “You know what, Jilly-Jill? You guys coming out here to meet my dad was probably the best Christmas present ever.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun in a nursing home.” I chuckled over the nurses in Santa hats and their poor rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock.”

  “That’s ‘cause we’ve never been in a nursing home, Mom,” Nicole chimed in from the back seat.

  A smile broke across my face. “Butt out, you!”

  Jack snickered and leaned down to kiss my forehead. His lips lingered on my skin just a fraction of a second longer than usual before he opened the passenger side door for me.

  “Such a gentleman.” I laughed as I settled into my seat, enjoying the added attention from the man who’d become much more than my best friend.

  Jack smirked through the window. “Well, I figured if I wanna get a second date I better try to show some manners.”

  Nicole pulled on the back of my headrest. “Yep, so he let me in first ‘cause I’m a lady. Right, Uncle Jack?”

  Jack leaned in. “You got it, Nicky Bomb.” A grin beamed across his face as he stood and closed the door.

  Nicky threw back her hood. Static attracted her hair, lifting her auburn curls to the ceiling. “Mom, look at me! I’m electro-girl!” She bopped up and down in the back seat, increasing the charge until all of her short, disheveled locks stood from her head.

  Jack rounded the car and slid into the driver’s seat. His brow rose as his gaze drifted to the rearview mirror. “Hey, that’s a cool trick. Think it’d work for me?” He rubbed his hair, but of course, his heavily-gelled locks remained perfectly placed. “Aw shucks. I guess you get to have all the fun!”

  Nicky twisted her head, her hair flying at ghastly angles. “You know it, ’cause I’m awe-some!”

  His eyes glazed as if in wonder. I’d seen that expression so many times before. Jack played games with Nicole and helped with her schoolwork when I was baffled beyond comprehension. He pretended to listen when she rattled on about the latest annoying gossip at school. He’d even taken her to the father-daughter dance because she was too embarrassed to admit her dad had run out on us. So many years he’d stood by my side — by our sides — as nothing more than a friend. Why did it take me so long to figure out something more may lie beneath?

  Jack winked once again before clicking on his seatbelt. After living such a disjointed life for so long, I found it hard to fathom how opening my heart to him had so easily completed our little ensemble. He’d been my best friend for six years, and all it took was one crazy Christmas morning to make me realize how much he really meant to me.

  Nicky picked up a yellow car maintenance receipt off the floor. “Oooo, paper. Or-i-gam-i time. Oh yeah!” She smoothed it out.

  “She’s easily amused.” Jack jerked his head in Nicky’s direction and aimed his beautiful eyes at me.

  “Yeah, as long as there’s paper around, you’re set.”

  “Or static electricity apparently. You
need to remember that one.”

  “Sure, because I can so easily control whether or not there’s humidity in the air.” I turned from him as I grinned, but I could feel the sensations of his smile, of his gaze stroking my hair. I rubbed my chest, willing my heart to slow the intensity of its rhythm. It’d been too long since anyone’s presence had touched me so deeply.

  I stared out the window and caught my reflection in the mirror. Ugh. I never put makeup on this morning. Smiling, I smoothed back my hair. Jack never even mentioned it.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” He shifted the car into gear.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s weird. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I thought I’d lost you to Monica.”

  “No. No. No. No! From now on, refer to her as She Who Must Not Be Named.”

  A snicker escaped my lips, followed by a very unladylike snort. “Our own office dark lord?”

  “Yeah, but she’s worse.”

  I glanced back at Nicky as she placed folds in the paper using the window as leverage. “I don’t know. Yesterday we were best friends, and today we’re…” I shook my head. “I was so mad when you showed up drunk on my doorstep last night, but…”

  His hand tapped my knee and slid delicately along my leg. “I know. I want to say I’m sorry about that, but I’m not.”

  He removed his hand and spun the wheel to make a right-hand turn. My eyes drifted to where his fingers had touched, staring as his warmth ebbed away. Somehow, the intimate touch didn’t even feel strange.

  We stopped at a red light, and he turned toward me, whispering, “Monica Dubin is a witch in heels, and I don’t know what I ever saw in her.”

  “Who’s Monica Dubin?” Nicky’s voice cooed from behind us. The kid never missed anything, especially if it was something you didn’t want her to hear.

  “Never mind,” we said in unison.

  His smile reached into my world and strangled away the angst of last night and all the jealous thoughts about She Who Must Not Be Named.

  Jack’s gaze drifted from the traffic light to Nicole until she went back to her folding. He leaned toward me and spoke softly, “If I didn’t get drunk last night, I wouldn’t have woken up under your Christmas tree. I wouldn’t have had the guts to finally tell you how I feel.”

  The light turned green, and we drove on in silence.

  Nicole leaned up between our seats. “You woke up under our tree because God put you there, Uncle Jack. You were Mom’s Christmas present.”

  His hand slipped back to my knee, filling the cool void with more than just his touch. “I’m not sure that I was her present. I think she was mine.”

  I wiped back a tear threatening to form.

  Nicky extended a large, yellow origami star, the color mottled by the ink on the receipt. “This is how big our stars are going to need to be next year because we have a lot to be thankful for.” Her endearing smile could warm you on the coldest of days. “Next year I’m going to wish that you guys get…”

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves with those wishes, there, Nickster,” Jack interrupted. “We have a whole year to decide what we want to ask for next Christmas.”

  He glanced up at the rearview mirror, and Nicky sat back, a wide smile lifting her cheeks. “Whatever you want, Uncle Jack, but I’m ready to write my wish on this star right now.”

  My face flushed and burned with embarrassment. Part of me admired her ability to blurt out whatever she wanted, while the other part wanted to chuck something at her. I glanced toward Jack and wondered what was going through his mind. We were only a few hours into our relationship and already my kid was spouting delusions of marriage. I wouldn’t blame him if he dropped us at our door and sped off without looking back.

  ****

  “Goodnight, Uncle Jack!” Nicky jumped up, threw her arms around his broad shoulders, and squeezed.

  Jack closed his eyes as he held her. The contentment melting into the otherwise chiseled lines in his cheeks warmed my heart.

  “Well, thanks for making Christmas extra special for me and my dad, kiddo.” He eased her back down to the floor.

  Her grin lit up the entryway as I hung my purse on a hook by the stairs and kicked off my loafers. I could swear the steam drifted up from my feet as my sore toes touched the cool flooring.

  “Okay, Nicky. Off to bed. It’s been a big day.”

  She squashed me in a bear hug. “You bet it has!” Her grip tightened, smashing auburn curls against my blouse. “I love you so much, Mom.” Her hushed breath tickled my neck. “I’m so happy about you and Uncle Jack.” She kissed my cheek, and her eyes narrowed as she pushed a strand of my hair over my shoulder. “There. You look even prettier now. Wish I had long, dark hair like yours.”

  She ran up the steps, stopped midway, and looked down toward us. A giggle escaped her lips before she continued toward her room.

  “Someone’s a little excited about Christmas.” Jack slipped his arm around my shoulder. “She didn’t even get to play with any of her stuff. I’m surprised she wasn’t mad about us leaving right away this morning. I would have flipped out at her age.”

  “Some gifts are better than toys.” I leaned into his loose embrace and pretended to adjust his tie. Being so close didn’t seem awkward anymore. Had it ever felt awkward? I’d always been drawn to Jack. Warmth and comfort encompassed me simply by being in the same room with him. Why hadn’t I considered him as more than a friend? Why hadn’t I recognized these wonderful feelings as attraction? Why had I always pushed him away?

  His hands slipped around my waist, pulling me closer. Tingles of excitement rippled through my body before a wave of uncertainty broke them. Am I ready for this? Doesn’t he deserve more than being saddled down with a divorcee and her kid?

  “I meant everything I said this morning, Jilly-Jill. I’ve been crazy about you for years.”

  Trembling, I allowed my gaze to take in the warmth of his eyes. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

  He released his hold on my waist and stepped back. “Well, you were married for one thing, and you guys seemed great together.” He ran his fingers through his thick brown hair. “I felt so stinking guilty for being happy when you and Bill started to fight.”

  I flinched. The sound of my ex-husband’s name forced bile into my throat. “That part of my life is behind me. I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

  Jack leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I know. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

  He held me close, and I relished the comfort of his embrace. Gentle fingers massaged my neck, releasing the tension that grabbed hold the second I’d heard Bill’s name. I allowed myself the luxury, for one sinful moment, to think maybe I’d done something to deserve this, to deserve him.

  Jack’s warm lips stroked my forehead. “So, am I allowed to tell everyone I got a girlfriend for Christmas?”

  I ran my fingers down his cheek, my nails scratching against a day’s worth of stubble. “I don’t think you officially asked me out yet, Mr. Acres.”

  The left side of his mouth inched up into a smile before the right side. Gosh I loved that little quirk about him.

  “Ya gonna get all technical on me now?”

  Clenched teeth did little to hold back my smile. “Sorry. A girl likes to be romanced.” With more than a box of candy you bought online at the last minute. I grinned at my inner sarcasm, wondering what it would be like to be given an expensive box of chocolate, to be swept off my feet, treated like a princess, and wooed as if I were something special.

  “Okay. If it’s romance you want, it’s romance you’ll get. How about dinner the day after tomorrow?”

  I let the smile burst free. “Sounds great. And maybe if it works out, we can get together for New Year’s?”

  Jack tilted his head. A sarcastic smugness settled across his features. “You want to go out for New Year’s? You never go out for New Year’s.”

  “No one’s ever asked.”

  Strong fingers
twirled in my hair and drew me closer. He placed a tender kiss on each of my eyelids.

  “Jilly-Jill, if I have my way, you’ll never be alone for New Year’s again.”

  I kept my eyes closed, his words flowing over me like melted chocolate. A dull ache twinged inside, my body delighting at being touched after so much time alone. I slipped my hands in his jacket and slid them down his muscular frame. Every inch of my skin begged me to invite him upstairs, but my mind screamed in protest.

  “Then I guess this will be a New Year’s to look forward to for a change. Goodnight Jack.”

  His lips tightened for a fraction of a second before he smiled. “Goodnight, Slugger.” He slowly drew his fingers across my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, and ran his thumb across my lower lip. I tried to suppress my shiver. It didn’t work.

  Jack’s voice changed to a deep, sensual whisper. “Are you sure you want me to go?”

  I trembled, fighting back the answer I wanted to give. “Yes Jack. I really am tired.” My words sounded like a lie, even to my own ears.

  “Okay. Goodnight.”

  Jack touched his lips to my cheek. His tongue just barely grazed my skin, sending ripples through my body and down to my toes. I hung breathless in my stance as he slipped out into the cold.

  My hand slammed down on the stair rail, and I resisted the urge to open the door and call him back in. The aging cedar creaked as it supported my wobbling knees.

  He’d left.

  He’d done exactly what I’d asked him to do, but the overwhelming emptiness of his absence weighed me down — until a giggle trickled down the stairs.

  “Get to bed, you little eavesdropper!”

  Chapter Two

  Four Nights until New Year’s Eve

  Jack pulled out my chair and slid the brocaded fabric cushion beneath me as I sat. The wonderful scent of pasta sauce awakened my appetite as soft music serenaded us in the low lighting.